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   I made a personal goal when I started this blog the other day to post something every day. Ideally I'd like to be able to always spew out something profound and thought provoking, or at least relatable. Going to be honest I don't know if I am relatable to anyone anywhere at all. I'm a black sheep kind of girl in all walks of life. So anyways I'm going to touch on two recurring themes of my day today.
   The first is something that occurs quite often for me. Censorship by my own hand if you will. I feel like 90% of the time I go to post something online, or send something in a text, and then at the last minute decide against it, mainly out of fear. Fear of stirring up drama. Fear that people might glimpse the real me and reject me. Fear of being judged. Its dumb, I know. Again, it's part of the reason I am making this, to be myself without fear, even if it's only to strangers. I wonder if anyone else is like this.
   Another thing on my mind today is adult bullying. Its real. It happens. And sadly some women, after they are out of school, do not grow out of the drama when joining the adult world. There are a couple women in this small town (population of 500) that have decided to make a personal vendetta against my family. They are spreading rumors and lies behind my back to anyone who will listen. Which anyone who knows us knows it's fiction. But that doesn't stop the hurt and the feeling of isolation. I wish, instead of after the fact of hearing it said and coming to me telling me they don't believe what was said and they think a lot of us, that they say it right to these women's faces. I fear that unless someone stands up to them it won't stop. At least for awhile til they get bored. And I know if I say anything they will have succeeded in getting a rise out of me. Yes, I am mild mannered and have no courage or backbone. I am the shy quiet wallflower. I just really wish it would stop. Thank you for listening to my personal hell today.